Negative self-image is mainly resumed in those little voices inside your head that makes you feel bad about yourself. That makes you magnify any “flaw “you imagine you see in your body.
While this “flaw” is not necessarily true. Your subjective opinion of it, in your mind, will find a way to make it “reality”, and see no other “truth” besides it. That’s because your eyes only see what your mind focuses on.
So when you tell your brain you are “too fat, too flat, your vagina is ugly, your tummy is huge, you smell bad…etc) you will inevitably focus on that alone and feel nothing else but self-pity, and if you only see ugliness in you. How do you ever expect to enjoy “intimacy”?? Let alone orgasm?!
If your sexual thoughts are always associated with feelings of embarrassment, self-pity, disgust and low self-esteem. Your body and mind will never be able to build up pleasure during sex…and you will never reach orgasm.
Sabotaging thoughts needs to be interrupted with a comeback narrative that works for you and your confidence. Not kill your pleasure and self-esteem.
So be prepared to fight those thoughts as soon as they occur
For example “my tummy is huge he will hate it”
Comeback thought: “I will give him that sexy look he loves and put his face in my boobs, he will be too distracted to see my tummy!”
This is a simple example to fight negative thoughts.
So feel free to write down a list of your top sabotaging thoughts, each with a comeback that interrupts the negative cycle in your brain…Now repeat this behavior until you lose that habit of discouraging yourself for good.
It’s also worthy of knowing that Many of us, women have a misconception, that a man is only attracted to a beautiful /hot woman.
The idea of beauty/hotness in our head is defined usually by the messages mainly sent to us by Media and sometimes Porn.
No matter how you define beauty or the many types of it, there’s one fact about men and sex that Media does not reflect. Because it doesn’t really sell. That is, your beauty alone will never sustain a long lasting satisfying sex life!
Sexual pleasure generally starts off between couples almost effortlessly…because your body is new to your man…you are both attractive from first sight…
The Excitement in all “new” relationships, is alone sufficient to fuel the pleasure during sex…and if you are exceptionally beautiful or hot…the sex starts off like fireworks…the man might seems hooked..
But after a while, your brain and his brain knows what to expect during sex. And once the “surprise” factor fades away and routine takes place, pleasure starts to fade. And your ability to get excited declines…and his craving to that attractive body of yours…kind a vanishes…Sex is cold and almost absent.
You both blame it on “loss of passion”. Which is definitely not true.
Your brain just needs a “shake”. You need to sex it up!
The point of my explanation here is to switch your focus from obsessing about your looks, to obsess rather about your brain; your ability to get creative.
Your confidence is key to feel pleasure and to give it. But this confidence is not based on the looks alone. In sex, confidence goes way beyond your looks.
If you work on your attitude, your creativity, and nourish the sexual chemistry between you and your man. You will start notice that your partner really wants you more, prefers you on any other sexual outlet, and see you more “beautiful” than any other woman…and if your partner think of you as a sex goddess. You don’t need to be a model to satisfy him…and your confidence is sky high. Because you became the key to his satisfaction.
If you took over his mind…you took over his world. Sex is mostly about a mind-set.
If you succeeded to get into your partner’s sexual mind. You won’t need ever to obsess about your looks during sex.
“It’s not the eyes that does the seeing, it’s the mind”
So always remember to target your partner’s mind…not only his eyes.
Once you have the key to his pleasure, you are confident that he can only see you (provided he is a decent guy in the 1st place!).
By Sara Essam
Just a passionate person interested in Psychology,
self development, and sexual knowledge.